grieving my grief
i've spent all of my life to get out of here. what would i be once that's done? what am i without my grief? my entire personality is built around it! so i plan beforehand so that when the time comes i don't have to feel lost again. i'll build myself from scratch up again. of course, the toxic patterns, thought process are difficult to re-mould or get rid of but i gotta do it. Living alone, i know, how lonely it would feel and perhaps try to compel me to go back and return to the very place i fought so long to get out of.
Go explore the world, new places, new cuisines and pick cool hobbies.
It's quite difficult to be detached, hanging in the air, to not have somewhere to return to and be heard(that never happened anyways so why bother). the world is cruel and you are your own shield. The idea is to go on and on until you can't any more. Crawl and die.